Why does desire disappear… even in relationships you don’t want to end?
In this episode, Friend of Dorothy founders Azamat and Oliver sit down with sex & relationship coach Craig Cassey to break down the real reasons passion fades in long-term gay relationships and exactly how to rebuild it.
This isn’t surface-level advice. This is the stuff no one teaches you.
We cover:
– Why libido drops (and it’s not just “losing attraction”)
– The truth about responsive desire (affects ~60% of people)
– ED vs low desire — and why they’re often confused
– How stress, sleep, routine & even vitamins impact your sex life
– Why sex can start to feel like a chore (and how to fix it)
– Creating real sexual chemistry again (not forced intimacy)
– Roleplay, kink & why they reduce anxiety — not increase it
– The “takeaway menu” method to bring back excitement
– Why opening your relationship won’t fix your sex life
– How to talk about needs without killing the mood
– Scheduling desire (not sex) — and why it works
Craig also shares his personal story of repeatedly losing desire in relationships — and how that led him to become a coach helping queer couples rebuild connection, confidence, and passion.
If you’ve ever thought:
“Why don’t I feel in the mood anymore?”
“Is this just what long-term relationships are like?”
“Can we actually get the spark back?”
This episode is for you.
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Timestamps:
00:00 Why Desire Disappears
01:55 Meet Craig
02:14 Losing Desire In Relationships
03:27 Passion After The Honeymoon Phase
04:42 What Sex Coaching Actually Is
06:20 When Couples Seek Help
07:43 Are There “Rules” In Gay Relationships?
09:13 Why Libido Drops
10:03 Responsive Desire Explained
13:54 Rebuilding Safety & Touch
15:21 Low Desire vs ED
18:36 Fixing Routine Sex
21:46 Changing Context To Boost Desire
22:48 Roleplay & Creating Space
23:39 Should You Open Your Relationship?
28:04 The High vs Low Desire Cycle
31:10 How To Talk About Needs
33:17 When Sex Feels Like A Chore
34:49 Aftercare & Feedback
38:19 Kink & Anxiety
41:17 Why You Should Schedule Desire
42:54 The 3 Keys To Desire
44:05 Where To Find Craig
